I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
