The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
