He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
