Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As shirtless as possible
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
