at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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