I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
