My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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