at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
