My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
