i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
