yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
