i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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