Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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