ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i drank out of a bidet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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