Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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