It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
