Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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