Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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