I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
