did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
