i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
