shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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