the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
