guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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