I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
