It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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