She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
