so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
zippers are such a cool invention
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
