Me. At least after what I've been through.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
