1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
