it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
