I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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