Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
