he thought i was a dude.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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