1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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