why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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