Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
