White coat. Heels.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
