It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
