The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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