i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
