That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
