She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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