Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
