My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
