He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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