So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
