she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
