Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad just said "fuck circus"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
