i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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