dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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