There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
