he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The ass gains better be worth it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
