I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
