how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
