worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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