She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
