...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
