the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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