My cat gives me a boner
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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