By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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